Not A Mommy Yet?

“Isn’t this your second Anniversary this year?” Amma asked.

“Oh Ya, It is!” I remembered.

“I’d better plan some nice adventure this time. A Flying Fox ?Or Snorkelling in Maldives?”, I thought.

“What do you say Amma?” I asked her.

“Do whatever you want but remember to plan a baby too”, she replied.

Of late wherever I go, the first question I am asked is about my pregnancy. I have tried to make it clear to so many people in a subtle way that planning a kid is our decision and we will think about it when the time is right for us. However, the family refuses to leave it like that. So much so that the elders refuse to bless me anything other than the kid. :).. “May God bestow you with a healthy baby soon” they tell me everytime I bow to them.

I met Mom’s friend when I went home last. She asked me why am I not a Mommy yet. Just when I started to tell that we have not planned, she cut me off and started pacifying me. She told me about various treatments we have for infertility IVF, IUI and said that adoption is not a bad option either. She went on and on and when she finally stopped I told that we have not planned for baby yet. It was fun to watch her Girls-these-days-and-their-nakhre expression ;).

I always think that I belong to one of that confused lot of people who find it tough to decide between kids and career. When I see myself exceeding expectations in office appraisals I feel I should focus more on the career and climb up the corporate ladder. The fat pay check at the end of the month still makes me really happy! But when I see some of my friends sharing news of their pregnancy, telling me how the son kept them awake the whole night or how they clicked thousands of photos in the iPhone, I begin to think the other way. I start worrying because it suddenly tells me maybe I am letting the moment pass. Would 2 more years mean pregnancy with medical intervention?

After all, 27 isn’t old, or is it?

It irks to see myself torn between the age factor and the career high. Blame it on hormones! I say!

I had a conversation with S, my friend who is pregnant with her second child. I asked her how did she know that she was ready. Her reply was that her husband said that it was the right time. “Fair enough, at least someone felt it was the right time”, I thought.

When I ask people if they really think before having a kid I get mixed responses. Some say it’s better to have one instead of worrying later. Some say it was God’s wish. Some say they din’t plan for it and it just happened.

Sometimes I wonder if kids are the ultimate goal in a marriage. Ofcourse they make life beautiful but shouldn’t it be planned? After all its a commitment you can’t go back or regret later. Shouldn’t we have to think about the stem cell costs, the school fees, decide about the career break or other alternatives? I feel I need to have an answer for all the above before I decide I am ready. Besides, how do I convince Dh that it indeed is the right time. May be he needs some more time. After all I can’t bring up the child single-handedly. I need him to change the diapers and clean up the mess ;)..

Maybe I am complicating things. In India, getting pregnant within an year of marriage has been a norm for ages.

Maybe I will never know if I am ready to be come a mommy.

But there is one thing I know and that is I need a break -a break from countless advice and from curious cats who are constantly spying on my monthly cycles!

Image Credits : Google Images


7 responses

  1. 27 is not old at all…and pls dont have a baby under any sort of pressure have a child when u and ur partner are ready for the responsibility

    1. Thanks Alka for dropping by! I know 27 is not too old ..Its just that, sometimes constant advice and pressure from others can be really scary!

  2. you will re, when u and ur partner are ready for it.. dont hurry up on things.. you have all ur life.. choose ur priorities and act on it..

    infact i was asked why i was pregnant so soon.. i had my own justifications..

    infact people are smart and go to Doctor and say i want to have baby now, tell me if i am healthy enough, getting hormone levels checked, RH factor etc etc.

    next is check the availability of parents, in my case my sibling was in school, i didnt want disturb her during board exams hence my parents.

    next would be financial stability. brings up kids, even for pregnancy you will have to spend a lot, make sure you have enough funds.

    career, i had different view, i wanted to move up the ladder with the kid, so when the kid grows my need at home might reduces, kid will not need me all time, i can focus on career and even plan official trips outside the city.

    so, check on three preparation required, mental, financial and proper leaves too. rest all can be take care of..

    note they are my view, your views can vary from mine.

    1. Thank You so much again Alka. Its so nice that you took out time and told me things that has been running on my mind for a while. I totally agree about the metal and financial preparations that you talked about.
      I read your blog entry.too It is this confidence that I am looking for in myself before I decide to step into a new phase.. You had answers for every possible question. 🙂

  3. oh my god every single word of yours in this post echoes the exact same thing happening with me lmao. *Groan*

    1. Hahaha, see this is what I meant by like-minded people 😉

  4. […] I have already talked, ranted and roared about this  here. Yet, there seems to be no end to it.  I am sure you guys know I have a hard time keeping my […]

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