When People Walk Away From You….

Ever since I moved to this new house, I  keep chancing upon old things, books, papers which I have otherwise forgotten. One such object that caught my attention today was a cute little Bunny- a Piggy Bank. This, I remember I first saw in Hypercity Market when I was in Hyderabad. Those were the days when Dh was living with his B-School buddies H and N. Since we were the only couple amidst  bachelor boys, they made sure I was pampered well. Ofcourse, it was their plan to lure me into making countless lunches and dinners post our wedding. We, as gang did a lot of fun things in Hyd. There was hardly any restaurant in Madhapur that we hadn’t hopped. We did many impromptu Sunday Outings and went to random places like Lotus Pond, did a lot of mid-night buffets at the Novotel and spent sleepless nights playing Pictionary. At that point of time I felt this was the high-point of our life in Hyd and this one was to stay forever!

So, Where did Bunny come into the picture ?.. Well, during one of our Hypercity outings just after our wedding, I saw this really cute Bunny and silently yearned for it. At that point there were many more expenses lined up so I decided to keep mum. Not that it was very expensive but it definitely was not in our To-Be-Bought list, also I didn’t want to face the newly wed husband’s wrath ;). I kept looking at this Bunny but eventually walked away. H apparently saw me fancy this Bunny and got it for me the next day as house-warming gift. I was so excited not about the gift but about his really sweet gesture, I was moved! Today if you see, I am not in great touch with anyone in the gang, in fact there exists no such gang now! H is in a different city, N had moved out of India and we have parked our base in Gurgaon. I am sure they are still very nice people and are bringing happiness in someone else’s life, it’s just that their role in our life is over!

People have come into my life and suddenly disappeared. This has happened not just once but many times in my life. Back in school, I was really close to this guy called  J. He was really possessive about me and would call himself my Rakhi Brother. Poor guy, he was so scared of people mis-interpreting our friendship that he safely called himself my brother :P. J would go to any length to please me and protect me. Once, He even went and complained to the PT Sir about how some boys from the Section ‘E’ were making passes at me and troubling me. He was so close to me that his father would call and ask me to advise him to be a more responsible son and study well. But these are a thing of past. Now, apart from the customary Facebook connection that we have, I do not share any knit with him. All I know of him is what he posts on his FB status. Ofcourse, we wish each other on our birthdays because Facebook asks us to but nothing more than that!

Yesterday I spoke to S , who was my benchmate in college for 4 long years . S lives on the East Coast of  the US which is badly hit by Sandy Storm and I was really concerned about her safety. Right from the day I joined the college, she and I shared the bench and were always the partners in crime. We were very different, our thoughts never matched yet we shared a bond. I was very excited when she got married but what I didn’t know at that point was that the marriage would end our friendship abruptly.  She graduated in different phases of her life, became a mother soon after her marriage and drifted millions of miles away from me. Yet, when I heard about Sandy the first thing I did was dug up her number from the inbox and gave her a call. And I was relieved to hear that she was safe and is in the third trimester of her second pregnancy. While I felt really happy talking to her,  I found that our conversations were all one sided. She was telling me about her older one’s antics and the Jr’s kicks. She cribbed about her daughter’s TV addiction and how there is hardly any sunlight in Maryland these days. All through the conversation I found myself just letting out the occasional Achas and Wows. I realized that we hardly have anything in common and I am sure she would never get reminded of me, for my existence has practically no meaning in her life today.

There are many other people I used to be good friends with at some point in my life. I would love to reconnect with them and rewire our connections but our lives run on such different schedules that it is just impossible right now. As they say, ‘The hardest part of moving forward is not looking back’. I try not to look back, not to think about those foregone friendships instead spend my energy on attracting some nice people in to my life. While I do this I sometimes wish that I can just click a fastforward button through time, just to see if it’s going to be worth in the end.

As I write this I have a lump in my throat…I feel bad that even after investing so much of energy and time, the relationships drift apart, for whatever reasons. And the worst part is that we have no control over it. Once I demeaned myself by going after a friend who had suddenly decided to walk away. I  shamelessly begged her to atleast reason out so that I could unravel the mystery,but it was all invain! I have learnt that there is only so much one can do if the other person involved is disinterested.

I just want to end this post with the picture  I found on the internet few years back. And I will let the picture do the talking from here..

~Sia

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17 responses

  1. I can’t thank you enough for this beautiful post and that quote in the end for I too have been thinking on these lines from the past few days.

    I am really amazed at how our relationships change over time and people who meant a world to us once reduce to mere facebook contacts or seldom-talk-on-phone friends. Maybe it’s the way of life to teach us to move on and touch other lives 🙂

    1. Thank you so my My Era 🙂 Whenever I think broken relations, friends etc, I look at this beautiful quote and console myself. Thought of sharing it today and I am glad you found it helpful.

  2. I also think that it is easier to form deeper bonds when one is younger and unencumbered by ‘responsibilities’. Once you get married and have children, it is more difficult to connect like that. But I have a special place in my heart for all the good times spent with people I cared about. Even if it may seem like we have nothing in common now, my love for them does not reduce. The other person may not feel that way and I am okay with that.

    1. I think my take-away here is that I should probably stop expecting them to love me back. Its only when there is expectation, there is a sense of rejection.
      And I totally agree about the marriage and responsibilities part.

  3. Sia, what a nostalgic piece! Have felt the same about a friend I traced after years of searching FB, who gave me quite a cold response. Reading this has brought perspective back, and I forgive her. After all, if someone pounces on your present from a distant past, why expect a warm reciprocity right away?

    1. Thank you so much Harjeet :)..

  4. I can totally relate to this… I have had some really good friends at various stages of life but am no longer able to connect with them as before because we don’t have much in common now. Both of us have moved on. Such is life … but the memories of the times spent together still remain special, isn’t it?

    1. Definitely! Whatever said or done the memories of the bond that we shared with friends would always be special 🙂

  5. Yeah…in terms of movie credit scenes, these are the people whose names come under “Special thanks to:”……. The ones who play a cameo role in our lives…. short, yet making an impact… they’re not the protagonists, but without them, the movie of our life would remain incomplete. 🙂

    1. Welcome to this space Sushmit :).. And I totally agree with your point. Big or small – they certainly play some part in our life..

  6. Such a beautiful quote Sia… I should try and remember this. I could have easily written the same post, for I too have been feeling something along these lines for quite some time now. I am not so very close with people I thought would become my BFFs in college. My school buddy no longer even recognises me. I had not one but atleast 5-6 guy pals at school – we were studying together right from kindergarten and like J’s dad, I would also be asked to advise my friends, to study well, not to play forever etc..Now we dont have any real relationship except for being FB friends.

    It definitely leaves me with a lump in my throat too, to think of those beautiful memories with some people who are not there as a part of my life anymore.

    1. Nothing can take away the pain and agony of broken relationships/friendship. This quote however gives some comfort. ~HUGS~

  7. So true…that quote. I too have had people drifting away, but then it is circumstantial and finally it comes down to that wonderful concept – whatever happens, is for good 🙂

  8. Loved the scribbles….and i related with the stories you mentioned so much…there was a colleague of mine who was pregnant the same time as me….so we got connected so much discussing our health issues, babies, family through those nine months….much like good friends but then i left my job after ML..and lately found that she has no interest in talking with me( she is still working)…might be due to the fact that in job I was a position higher she had been paly with me…whatever, I felt really bad.

    1. Thanks NBose.:)..Its sad that sometimes people do not realize that the friendship is far beyond the work you do and the firm you work for. I have had so many of my friends drift away the moment they change jobs.Sad but true 😦

  9. Loved your post! So beautifully written. Evoking nostalgia, a sense of sadness and somewhere along the realization of a deep kind of peace, which comes from accepting what life throws your way and then moving on.
    We often add old friends eagerly to our fb friends, only to realize that we have drifted apart in the years that separated us. But even then the euphoria on chancing upon an old friend and reconnecting with them, although over a few Hi’s on fb feels nice and warm to me. Going over all those fond memories of innocent childhood.

    1. Welcome and thanks Shadia for dropping by and leaving a comment :).. I totally agree – the euphoria of chancing up an old buddy is unparalleled. I was searching for a long lost friend for almost an year and my joy knew no bounds when I finally found her. It was only later that I realized that she did not share the same feelings as mine and politely turned down my request. It hurt at that point but I realize that is the way of life!

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