Ever since I moved to this new house, I keep chancing upon old things, books, papers which I have otherwise forgotten. One such object that caught my attention today was a cute little Bunny- a Piggy Bank. This, I remember I first saw in Hypercity Market when I was in Hyderabad. Those were the days when Dh was living with his B-School buddies H and N. Since we were the only couple amidst bachelor boys, they made sure I was pampered well. Ofcourse, it was their plan to lure me into making countless lunches and dinners post our wedding. We, as gang did a lot of fun things in Hyd. There was hardly any restaurant in Madhapur that we hadn’t hopped. We did many impromptu Sunday Outings and went to random places like Lotus Pond, did a lot of mid-night buffets at the Novotel and spent sleepless nights playing Pictionary. At that point of time I felt this was the high-point of our life in Hyd and this one was to stay forever!
So, Where did Bunny come into the picture ?.. Well, during one of our Hypercity outings just after our wedding, I saw this really cute Bunny and silently yearned for it. At that point there were many more expenses lined up so I decided to keep mum. Not that it was very expensive but it definitely was not in our To-Be-Bought list, also I didn’t want to face the newly wed husband’s wrath ;). I kept looking at this Bunny but eventually walked away. H apparently saw me fancy this Bunny and got it for me the next day as house-warming gift. I was so excited not about the gift but about his really sweet gesture, I was moved! Today if you see, I am not in great touch with anyone in the gang, in fact there exists no such gang now! H is in a different city, N had moved out of India and we have parked our base in Gurgaon. I am sure they are still very nice people and are bringing happiness in someone else’s life, it’s just that their role in our life is over!
People have come into my life and suddenly disappeared. This has happened not just once but many times in my life. Back in school, I was really close to this guy called J. He was really possessive about me and would call himself my Rakhi Brother. Poor guy, he was so scared of people mis-interpreting our friendship that he safely called himself my brother :P. J would go to any length to please me and protect me. Once, He even went and complained to the PT Sir about how some boys from the Section ‘E’ were making passes at me and troubling me. He was so close to me that his father would call and ask me to advise him to be a more responsible son and study well. But these are a thing of past. Now, apart from the customary Facebook connection that we have, I do not share any knit with him. All I know of him is what he posts on his FB status. Ofcourse, we wish each other on our birthdays because Facebook asks us to but nothing more than that!
Yesterday I spoke to S , who was my benchmate in college for 4 long years . S lives on the East Coast of the US which is badly hit by Sandy Storm and I was really concerned about her safety. Right from the day I joined the college, she and I shared the bench and were always the partners in crime. We were very different, our thoughts never matched yet we shared a bond. I was very excited when she got married but what I didn’t know at that point was that the marriage would end our friendship abruptly. She graduated in different phases of her life, became a mother soon after her marriage and drifted millions of miles away from me. Yet, when I heard about Sandy the first thing I did was dug up her number from the inbox and gave her a call. And I was relieved to hear that she was safe and is in the third trimester of her second pregnancy. While I felt really happy talking to her, I found that our conversations were all one sided. She was telling me about her older one’s antics and the Jr’s kicks. She cribbed about her daughter’s TV addiction and how there is hardly any sunlight in Maryland these days. All through the conversation I found myself just letting out the occasional Achas and Wows. I realized that we hardly have anything in common and I am sure she would never get reminded of me, for my existence has practically no meaning in her life today.
There are many other people I used to be good friends with at some point in my life. I would love to reconnect with them and rewire our connections but our lives run on such different schedules that it is just impossible right now. As they say, ‘The hardest part of moving forward is not looking back’. I try not to look back, not to think about those foregone friendships instead spend my energy on attracting some nice people in to my life. While I do this I sometimes wish that I can just click a fastforward button through time, just to see if it’s going to be worth in the end.
As I write this I have a lump in my throat…I feel bad that even after investing so much of energy and time, the relationships drift apart, for whatever reasons. And the worst part is that we have no control over it. Once I demeaned myself by going after a friend who had suddenly decided to walk away. I shamelessly begged her to atleast reason out so that I could unravel the mystery,but it was all invain! I have learnt that there is only so much one can do if the other person involved is disinterested.